作者：李堃
编辑：李堃 责任编辑：罗志飞 校对： 李杰 翻译：吕峰
《视察疯人院》
习近平为显示自己对基层的关心，某日亲自视察某精神病专科医院，发表讲话后在院方领导的带领下，全院病人热烈鼓掌。习近平走向鼓掌队列的第一个患者跟他握手并问道：“感觉怎么样？在这里还吃得惯吗？”这个“患者”一激动，给习近平敬了个礼，说：“报告首长，我是中央警卫局的，我们吃得很好。”旁边警卫局长赶紧向习近平解释：“这是出于安全需要。”习近平很不满意，又和第二个穿病号服的握手。第二个人说：“感谢领导，我是办公室主任，希望您多栽培。”习近平更不高兴了。于是到了后排一位鼓掌最卖力的人面前，想跟他握手，这人不搭理他，自顾自的一直鼓掌，习近平拉过他的手的高兴的说：“看得出来你们过得很愉快嘛!”这人抽出手，扇了习近平一耳光喝道：“你不鼓掌还想不想吃饭了？”。
《谁的威力更大》
中国举行大阅兵游行，沿着长安街开来了各种装备，机械化步兵、炮兵、坦克、自行火炮、无人机、战术导弹、战略核导弹，破坏力一个比一个大；队列末尾却是两个夹公文包的肥胖矮子。 在看台上的习近平惊讶的问：“这两个人破坏力比核导弹还大！他们是什么人？”公安部说：“不是我的人。”国防部长说：“没见过他们。”总理李强说：“我认识他们，一个是国家统计局编数据的另外一个是外交部写发言稿的……”
Two Jokes：”Inspecting the Asylum” and “Whose Power Is Greater”
Author: Li Kun Editor: Li Kun Responsible Editor: Luo Zhifei
Proofreader: Li Jie Translator: Lyu Feng
Inspecting the Asylum
In order to show his concern for the grassroots, Xi Jinping one day personally visited a psychiatric hospital. After giving a speech, he walked under the guidance of the hospital’s leaders while the patients applauded enthusiastically.
Xi approached the first person in the applauding crowd, shook his hand, and asked, “How are you feeling? Are you getting used to the food here?”The “patient,” visibly moved, saluted and replied, “Reporting, Comrade Leader, I’m with the Central Guard Bureau. We’re eating very well.”
The director of the Guard Bureau quickly explained, “That’s for security reasons.” Xi looked displeased and moved on to shake hands with another man in a patient’s gown.This one said, “Thank you, Leader. I’m the office director—hope you’ll promote me more often.”
Xi became even more irritated. He then went to the back row and reached out to a man clapping most vigorously.He tried to shake hands, but the man ignored him and kept clapping furiously. Xi pulled his hand and said cheerfully, “I can see you’re all quite happy here!”The man yanked his hand back, slapped Xi across the face, and shouted, “You dare stop clapping—don’t you want to eat anymore?!”
Whose Power Is Greater
During a massive military parade in China, all kinds of weapons rolled down Chang’an Avenue: mechanized infantry, artillery, tanks, self-propelled guns, drones, tactical missiles, and strategic nuclear missiles—each more destructive than the last.
At the very end of the procession, however, came two short, fat men carrying briefcases.Xi Jinping, watching from the viewing stand, was astonished:“These two—are they more powerful than nuclear missiles? Who are they?”
The Minister of Public Security said, “They’re not from my department.”The Minister of Defense said, “Never seen them.”Premier Li Qiang replied, “I know them. One works at the National Bureau of Statistics making up data, and the other’s from the Foreign Ministry—he writes the speeches.”
