作者：金米

 朋友圈里的母亲节上周就开始了。 各类商家带头出来，呼吁关爱妈妈，鲜花、红包、转账、祝福长文，这样一年一场集体性的表演，我看了很多年。人们在今天高喊“母亲伟大”，可到了明天，又默认一个女人就该回到厨房、婚姻和忍耐里。 我始终不太喜欢“母亲节快乐”这句话，我只是祝愿过少数几个活出女性姿态的女性。在我这里，她们对孩子无私，但仍保有自我，这才是我欣赏的母亲。我认为首先懂得爱自己的母亲才有能力和精力去爱孩子。 所以，那些铺天盖地的节日祝福，在我这里就像一种奖章。奖励她们又一年没有崩溃，没有逃走，没有停止奉献。 不得不承认，至少我看到的中国社会直到今天，骨子里依然默认女性是“附属品”。年轻时是谁的女儿，结婚后是谁的妻子，老了是谁的母亲。 唯独很少有人问，她自己是谁。 很多女性从小被教育要懂事、顾家、情绪稳定。她们被允许温柔，却不被允许自私；被要求牺牲，却不能喊累。社会一边歌颂“伟大的母亲”，一边又默认家务、育儿、照顾老人，本来就该是她的责任。 最荒唐的是，人们竟把这种消耗叫作女性应该具备的美德，如果没有，那就是不道德的事。 可一个人如果长期不能做自己，再体面的生活，也只是缓慢的窒息。 比起节日里的歌颂，我更希望她们能真正自由一点。可以不贤惠，可以不伟大，可以不永远把别人放在前面。 真正的爱，从来不是在今天集体喊一句“母亲节快乐”。而是在每一个普通日子里，都允许她首先成为她自己。 我很少会刻意在今天说一句“母亲节快乐”。因为我对妈妈的爱，不是集中在某个被提醒的日子里，而是藏在一年四季无数个寻常时刻。 比起“节日快乐”，我更希望妈妈们这一生，能够真正做自己。不只是某个人的母亲、妻子、女儿，也依然是那个有热爱、有情绪、有梦想的人。 愿妈妈们不用永远坚强，不用总把别人放在前面。 愿她们自由、松弛、平安，活得肆意热烈，不论何时何地何把年纪，也依旧对世界怀有温柔与好奇。 孩子爱妈妈，从来不需要靠一个节日来证明。

编辑：钟然 校对：熊辩 翻译：周敏

 

Reflections on Mother’s Day

Author: Jin Mi

Abstract: Behind the bustle of Mother’s Day, many women are still expected by default to bear sacrifice and devotion. Compared to the praise during the festival, what is more important is to allow them, in their daily lives, to truly possess the freedom and dignity to be themselves.

Mother’s Day in the Friends Circle (Moments) started as early as last week.

Various merchants took the lead to come out, calling for care for mothers—flowers, red envelopes, money transfers, long text blessings. This kind of annual, collective performance is something I have watched for many years.

Today, people loudly shout “Mothers are great,” but by tomorrow, they default to the idea that a woman should return to the kitchen, marriage, and endurance.

I have always disliked the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day” somewhat; I only wish it to a few women who live out a true feminine stance. In my view, they are selfless toward their children but still retain themselves—this is the kind of mother I admire. I believe that only a mother who first knows how to love herself has the capacity and energy to love her child.

Therefore, those overwhelming festival blessings feel to me like a medal. Rewarding them for another year of not breaking down, not running away, and not stopping their devotion.

It must be admitted that, at least in the Chinese society I see even today, people still default in their bones to the idea that women are “appendages.” A daughter to someone when young, a wife to someone after marriage, and a mother to someone when old.

Yet, rarely does anyone ask who she herself is.

Many women are educated from childhood to be sensible, family-oriented, and emotionally stable. They are permitted to be gentle, but not permitted to be selfish; they are required to sacrifice, but cannot complain about being tired. Society praises “great mothers” on one hand, while defaulting to the idea that housework, childcare, and caring for the elderly are naturally her responsibilities on the other.

The most absurd part is that people actually call this consumption a virtue that women ought to possess; if they do not have it, it is deemed an immoral thing.

But if a person cannot be themselves for a long time, no matter how decent life looks, it is just a slow suffocation.

Compared to the praise during festivals, I prefer that they could be truly a bit more free. It is okay not to be virtuous, okay not to be great, and okay not to always put others first.

True love is never about collectively shouting “Happy Mother’s Day” today. Rather, it is about allowing her, in every ordinary day, to first become herself.

I rarely deliberately say “Happy Mother’s Day” today. Because my love for my mother is not concentrated on a certain reminded day, but is hidden in countless ordinary moments throughout the four seasons of the year.

Compared to “Happy Festival,” I prefer that mothers, in this lifetime, can truly be themselves. Not just someone’s mother, wife, or daughter, but still that person who has passions, emotions, and dreams.

May mothers not have to be strong forever, and not always have to put others first.

May they be free, relaxed, and safe, living willfully and passionately, retaining gentleness and curiosity toward the world no matter when, where, or at what age.

A child’s love for their mother never needs a festival to be proven.

Editor: Zhong Ran Proofreader: Xiong Bian Translator: Zhou Min