作者：Yongjie Guan
编辑：韩立华
在中国大陆，有“编制”的工作被称为“铁饭碗”。据网上流传的数据，自 2009 年以来，每年报考国家公务员的人数始终在百万以上，2024 年更突破 340 万。就在这样一个人人争抢稳定福利与体制庇护的年代，却有人自愿放弃这个铁饭碗，即使远赴他乡只能端盘子、洗碗，也要离开那个让她窒息的国度。
这个人，就是今天的受访者——高应芬（以下称“小高”）。
一、信仰与恐惧的童年：被惊醒的平静
小高 1997 年出生于湖北武汉近郊一座小城市，父母皆是普通工人，但虔诚信仰基督。她的童年有一段不堪回首的往事。
在2022年她实在无法再忍受中共政府的过度疫情防控措施，又一次向母亲倾诉有逃离中国的念头时，母亲在惶恐不安中告诉她一个情景：在她5岁那年，一家三口在一次家庭教会聚会时，数名警察突然破门而入，她在慌乱中被推倒在装满松香（用来给动物脱毛的东西）的锅里被烫伤，母亲跪地哀求才换取带孩子离去的机会，而父亲则被带走。约一周后，父亲被释放，但已满身伤痕。本就体弱的父亲自此一蹶不振，两年后因病离世。
那一次交谈后小高才醒悟，她身上的伤疤原来是来自那一次的伤害。其实母亲不支持她离开中国并非是不知道中共的坏，恰恰相反，她是深知中共的毫无底线，所以即使在丈夫离世家庭遭遇巨大变故后，仍以沉默、坚忍的方式维持生活，就是怕中共再次伤害家人。
二、进入大学：跟着潮流入党，却悄悄接触真实世界
2016年，小高进入武汉一所大学就读。和许多同龄人一样，她相信“入党有利于找工作”，于是大一便递交了入党申请。
互联网的普及让她第一次接触到墙外资讯，班上不少同学会“翻墙”，分享与官方叙事完全不同的信息。面对这些资讯，小高多选择沉默——她不敢多问，也无法分辨真假。那时的她仍相信：只要努力学习，热爱生活，一切都会好起来。
直到 2019 年底，噩梦不期而至。
三、世界崩塌：她在武汉见证了疫情真相被掩埋
2019 年底的新冠疫情，最早在武汉无声蔓延。本应第一时间让民众知情的真相被政府刻意压下，吹哨的医生被训诫，疫情初期官方为了维稳仍在筹办春节盛会，人群聚集加速了病毒的扩散。
而小高，就是在这场世纪风暴的风眼中。她记得那座城市突然变成了牢笼：小区大门被焊死；食物供应极度短缺，劣质菜高价出售；感染者无数，但求医无门；火葬场日夜冒着白烟；网上哀号与求救贴文不断被删除……而大肆宣扬的却是各种又假又空令人恶心的正能量。
她说：“那时我第一次真正明白，原来生命在体制面前可以这么微不足道。”她开始对自己加入的共产党感到深深懊悔，也第一次彻底怀疑自己曾相信的一切。
四、成为老师：希望靠教育改变下一代，却再次碰壁
2021 年，小高大学毕业。疫情稍缓，中国暂时恢复生机，人们开始“好了伤疤忘了痛”。
为照顾因肾衰竭而住院的外婆，她回到家乡生活，并以优异成绩考取公办小学教师编制——那是许多人梦寐以求的“铁饭碗”。
但她成为老师，并非为稳定，而是因为心中那个渺小却坚定的愿望：“如果不能改变国家，那至少能让几个孩子学会思考。”
她在课堂里悄悄穿插一些启发思辨的内容，希望学生能保持天性，而非只接纳标准答案、从小学习仇恨。然而，一次授课被巡堂的校长听见，随即被叫到办公室严厉训斥。
慢慢地她还发现，学校的教育是泯灭学生童真的，是鼓励告密的。即使是教书育人的地方，也与官场一样，遇事不解决问题只解决提出问题的人。
一次又一次的打击，她终于认清了现实：“我不是在教书，而是被要求参与再生产一代顺从听话的机器。”
学校的极端防疫、僵化管理、奴化教育、仇恨灌输，都让她感到无比的恐惧。那一刻，铁饭碗在她眼里已不再是安定的标志，而是一件牢笼里的餐具。
五、选择离开：扔掉铁饭碗，换取呼吸自由的权利
尽管不舍母亲，小高仍毅然决定离开。
2024年，她抵达美国。刚落地时，她心中只有一个念头：“即使是端盘子洗碗，也比在中国当个被体制控制的老师自由。”
初到异乡的她努力适应新生活。她说，虽然辛苦，但却第一次感到自己是“完整的人”。“或许，这里才是我应该生长的土壤。”在美国，她能自由阅读、思考、发声，再也不用担心谁在背后监听。
走向公共行动：为还在墙内的人发声
为解救大洋彼岸那些被中共奴役着的中国人民，2025年4月，小高加入了中国民主党，积极投入旧金山华人的民主运动。
她参与集会、声援被迫害者、揭露中共谎言、向国内传播真相。“我已经离开了，但中国还有太多人还被牢笼困住。”她说：“哪怕只能唤醒一个人，也算有意义。”
七、对未来的展望：年轻一代的担当
小高感言：中国政府的种种暴行让无数原本幸福的家庭支离破碎。作为一名中国人，我渴望生活在一个自由、民主、平等、法治的国家，拥有属于自己的信仰与思想。作为一个有责任感的年轻人，我深知一党专政体制弊端重重，我们这一代必须站出来——去发声、去抗议、去推动改变。在中国，我们面对腐败的专制与错误的政策往往无法发声，更遑论采取行动；但在美国，我们能够做到这些。未来我们仍将继续努力，积极行动，希望这些努力能够促成一些改变、唤醒更多的中国人。愿有一天，自由之光能照遍中国的每一寸土地。
Profile Interview | From the “Iron Rice Bowl” to the Path of Freedom — The Spiritual Rebirth of an Awakened Communist Party Member
Abstract:This interview tells the story of a primary school teacher and Communist Party member in China who gradually awakened to the authoritarian nature of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Upon this realization, she chose to abandon her “iron rice bowl” in China and journey to the United States in pursuit of freedom.
Author: Yongjie GuanEditor: Han Lihua
Translator: Lyu Feng
In mainland China, jobs with official establishment status are commonly referred to as the “iron rice bowl.” According to widely circulated online data, since 2009 the number of applicants for the national civil service examination has consistently exceeded one million each year, surpassing 3.4 million in 2024. In an era when countless people compete fiercely for stability, benefits, and the protection of the system, some nevertheless choose to give up this iron rice bowl voluntarily. Even if life abroad means working as a waitress or dishwasher, they are determined to leave a country that makes them feel suffocated.
That person is today’s interviewee—Gao Yingfen (hereafter referred to as “Xiao Gao”).
I. A Childhood of Faith and Fear: Shattered Tranquility
Xiao Gao was born in 1997 in a small city on the outskirts of Wuhan, Hubei Province. Her parents were ordinary factory workers, but devout Christians. Her childhood carries a traumatic memory that remained buried for many years.
In 2022, when she could no longer endure the Chinese government’s excessive COVID-19 control measures and once again confided in her mother about her desire to escape China, her mother—overcome with fear—finally revealed a long-hidden episode. When Xiao Gao was five years old, the family of three was attending a house-church gathering when several police officers suddenly broke in. Amid the chaos, she was pushed into a large pot filled with molten rosin (used to remove animal hair) and was severely burned. Her mother knelt on the ground and begged desperately, eventually securing permission to leave with the child, while her father was taken away by the police. About a week later, her father was released, covered in bruises and injuries. Already in frail health, he never recovered from the ordeal and passed away from illness two years later.
Only after this conversation did Xiao Gao realize that the scar on her body originated from that incident. She also came to understand that her mother’s opposition to her leaving China was not due to ignorance of the CCP’s cruelty; on the contrary, it was precisely because she knew there were no limits to the Party’s actions. Even after her husband’s death and the family’s devastating trauma, her mother chose silence and endurance to survive, out of fear that the CCP might once again harm her loved ones.
II. Entering University: Joining the Party with the Tide, Quietly Encountering the Real World
In 2016, Xiao Gao entered a university in Wuhan. Like many of her peers, she believed that “joining the Party helps with employment,” and therefore submitted her application for Communist Party membership during her freshman year.
With the spread of the internet, she was exposed for the first time to information beyond the Great Firewall. Many classmates used circumvention tools and shared narratives completely different from official propaganda. Faced with such information, Xiao Gao mostly remained silent—she dared not ask too many questions and could not distinguish truth from falsehood. At that time, she still believed that as long as she studied hard and loved life, everything would eventually get better.
Then, at the end of 2019, the nightmare arrived without warning.
III. A World in Collapse: Witnessing the Burial of Truth During the Pandemic in Wuhan
At the end of 2019, COVID-19 began spreading silently in Wuhan. The truth, which should have been disclosed to the public immediately, was deliberately suppressed by the authorities. Doctors who tried to warn others were reprimanded, and in the early stage of the outbreak, officials continued preparing Lunar New Year celebrations in the name of “stability maintenance,” with mass gatherings accelerating the spread of the virus.
Xiao Gao found herself at the very eye of this historic storm. She remembers the city suddenly turning into a prison: residential compound gates welded shut; extreme shortages of food, with poor-quality vegetables sold at exorbitant prices; countless infected people unable to access medical care; crematoria emitting white smoke day and night; online cries for help and mourning posts constantly deleted. What flooded the media instead was a barrage of hollow, false, and nauseating “positive energy” propaganda.
She recalled, “That was the first time I truly understood how insignificant human life could be in the face of the system.” She began to feel deep remorse for having joined the Communist Party and, for the first time, fundamentally questioned everything she had once believed.
IV. Becoming a Teacher: Hoping to Change the Next Generation Through Education, Only to Hit Another Wall
In 2021, Xiao Gao graduated from university. As the pandemic temporarily eased, life in China appeared to recover, and many people seemed to “forget the pain once the wound healed.”
To care for her grandmother, who was hospitalized with kidney failure, she returned to her hometown. With outstanding exam results, she secured a public primary-school teaching post—an official position widely regarded as a coveted “iron rice bowl.”
She did not become a teacher for the sake of stability, but because of a small yet firm conviction in her heart: “If I can’t change the country, at least I can help a few children learn how to think.”
In her classroom, she subtly introduced elements that encouraged critical thinking, hoping her students could preserve their natural curiosity rather than accept only standard answers or learn hatred from an early age. However, during one lesson, the principal happened to observe her class and promptly summoned her to the office for a severe reprimand.
Gradually, she also realized that the education system stifled children’s innocence and encouraged informants. Even in a place meant for teaching and nurturing, problems were never addressed—only those who raised them were silenced, just as in officialdom.
After repeated blows, she finally came to terms with reality: “I wasn’t teaching—I was being required to participate in the reproduction of a new generation of obedient, compliant machines.”
Extreme pandemic controls at school, rigid management, indoctrination that fostered submission, and systematic hatred all filled her with profound fear. At that moment, the “iron rice bowl” no longer symbolized security in her eyes, but rather a piece of tableware inside a cage.
V. Choosing to Leave: Casting Away the Iron Rice Bowl in Exchange for the Right to Breathe Freely
Despite her deep attachment to her mother, Xiao Gao made the resolute decision to leave.
In 2024, she arrived in the United States. Upon landing, she had only one thought: “Even washing dishes and serving tables is freer than being a teacher controlled by the system in China.”
In a foreign land, she worked hard to adapt to a new life. She said that although life was difficult, it was the first time she felt like a “whole person.” “Perhaps this is the soil where I am meant to grow.” In the United States, she can read, think, and speak freely, without worrying about who might be listening behind her back.
In order to help liberate the Chinese people across the ocean who remain enslaved by the Chinese Communist Party, Xiao Gao joined the China Democracy Party in April 2025 and became actively involved in the pro-democracy movement among the Chinese community in San Francisco.
She has participated in rallies, voiced support for victims of persecution, exposed the CCP’s falsehoods, and helped disseminate the truth back to China. “I have already left,” she said, “but there are still so many people in China trapped inside a cage. Even if I can awaken just one person, it is meaningful.”
VII. Looking to the Future: The Responsibility of the Younger Generation
Xiao Gao reflected:“The many atrocities committed by the Chinese government have torn apart countless families that were once happy. As a Chinese person, I long to live in a country that is free, democratic, equal, and governed by the rule of law—one where I can hold my own beliefs and thoughts. As a young person with a sense of responsibility, I am keenly aware of the deep flaws of a one-party authoritarian system. Our generation must step forward—to speak out, to protest, and to push for change.
In China, we are often unable to voice our opposition to corrupt authoritarianism and misguided policies, let alone take action. But in the United States, we can do these things. Going forward, we will continue to strive and to act, in the hope that these efforts may bring about change and awaken more Chinese people. May the light of freedom one day shine upon every inch of China’s land.”
