——一个“岁月静好派”女性的自救手记
作者：刘芳
编辑：李聪玲 责任编辑：罗志飞 翻译：吕峰
0. 序：体面与谎言之间，总有裂缝会漏风
我曾以为，人生的终极形态叫“独善其身”：学历堂皇，上海白领，周末咖啡，朋友圈九宫格——政治这玩意儿，离我远点。后来才发现，体面是临时工，谎言是正式工；你以为在风平浪静的人生里打卡，其实是在专制的气压里待机。直到风从裂缝里灌进来——裁员、封控、禁言、黑箱——我才明白：所谓“岁月静好”，只是尚未轮到你。
于是，我开始给过去的自己写一份说明书：我为什么反共。
1. 家庭起点：善良的父母，粗暴的时代
我出身普通工人家庭。父母勤劳诚实，却在文革被剥夺了受教育的权利，青春喂了“斗”和“批”。改革以后，他们又遇到下岗潮；父亲自学成了助理工程师，却背着饥荒年代落下的病根，家计常常捉襟见肘。我们家没什么“阶级仇恨教育”，只有“谁错了先道歉”的家规。民主的家庭氛围让我从小就知道：权威可以尊敬，但必须可被质疑。
我也像标准答案里写的那样好学、听话：少先队、共青团，能上的都上；只不过当时不懂，红领巾和团徽并不等于道德与真理，它们只是组织关系。第一次对“正统叙事”生疑，是小学那年看 1989。堂哥去游行，回来背了处分。电视里说“有不法分子搅局”，我却只记得：年轻人的呐喊为什么要以学业和前途为代价？
2. 书本与银幕：独立的种子，被外语浇了水
中学时的政治课像快递：到课即签收，不含思考。答案永远只有一个，历史只剩一种版本。校规要求“统一短发与劣质校服”，我忽然明白：剃头与制服，常见于监狱与精神病院。
幸运的是，90 年代末到 00 年代初，世界还留了条缝给我。《简·爱》《傲慢与偏见》《飘》告诉我，做人的底线是尊严，自由和爱情都靠得住；《V 字仇杀队》《黑客帝国》《肖申克的救赎》教我：在系统性谎言面前，逃跑不是懦弱，思考才是冒险。一位室友劝我好好学英语——“真正的知识在墙外”。我没出国，但这门语言成了逃离精神版图的护照。
直到某天起，Facebook、YouTube、Google 被一键消失。空气里出现了一个无形词条：防火长城。我学会“翻墙”，像在黑夜里摸到一只手电筒。光很小，却足以看见房间里并非只有家具，还有锁链。
3. 科研现场：当“真问题”遇上“真 KPI”
我读的是生命科学，从细胞到分子，从观测到机理。逐步看清一个不太体面的事实：中国科研并不缺钱，缺的是把钱用在真问题上的制度。经费评审看人脉，论文数量当绩效，导师忙应酬，学生当螺丝钉。学术理想最后被六个字打包发走：发文章、要指标。
两个事件把我的“科研滤镜”砸得粉碎：
基因编辑伦理翻车：某副教授把人类胚胎当试管小白鼠，科学没跑通，伦理先失踪。最后三年牢狱出来还是教授，体制责任人“路过不背锅”。
不可复现实验的跃进：一个震惊世界的新工具，几个月后被发现“别人就是做不出来”。楼起得快，塌得更快；追问失效得最快。
科学需要时间、诚实与失败权，而体制提供 KPI、排名与宣传片。当真理被“年度汇报”衔着跑，结果往往不是突破，而是事故。
4. 职场见闻：外企的规矩，内资的魔法
博士后我留在上海。外企的第一课：流程不是摆设，合规不是口号。大家没有加班文化（至少不是996），发现不内卷也能把事情办好。但并购一来，“中国式管理”像病毒：表格宇宙、权力斗法、劣币驱逐良币。于是我转向“民族产业”，想做点真正造福病人的事，结果经历了两家“人矿工厂”。
公司 A 口号是“无边界”灵活工作，翻译成人话叫：没有边界的无偿加班。疫情爆发，他们把研发扔进疫区抢样本，“捐赠”只是 PR，合规是可选项，薪资则是闭口不谈。Apple Watch 是我健康的遗书，心率报警像上班考勤。最终产品死在审批门口——游戏一早写好，行业真正赚钱的，是早就在白名单里的既得利益者。赌徒式老板妄图抄近道，拿员工健康与性命去填坑；监管黑箱，游戏早被写好，外人只配当炮灰。
公司 B 外表“海归范儿”，内核“圈钱学”。目标不是产品上市，而是公司上市。同行之间靠诋毁竞速，内部靠 KPI 自残。抄作业被称作“国产替代”，击鼓传花被包装成“资本故事”。 离开不到一年，公司已被资本放弃停工停产。为什么两个老板都如出一辙的急功近利呢？因为他们身后都是中国急躁的资本和体制，他们被推着一起跑——“快上、快融、快退”，不然就被环境吞了。因为，资本也不确定什么时候政策就变化了，他们手里的钱就没了，还是变现走人比较安全。50年的企业简直说笑，能撑过5年的私企就不错了。
逃回外企，才发现净土也不净。面对体制内客户，“科学常需向行政鞠躬”。你说“请按法规操作”，对方说“领导要今天出报告”；你说“样本污染要稀释”，对方说“我们没时间”。我一点点明白——不是我不适应，是我不想同谋。
5. 疫情三年：谣言当口罩，封控当药方
新冠像一面照妖镜。先是甩锅输出“病毒美国造”；再是管控样本、封死信息；公民记者失踪，良心医生被训诫。城市焊门、患者寻医无门，生命像验证码一样失效。我被关家里七十多天，靠团购和运气存活；家人确诊、离世，火葬场的队伍成了我理解国家能力的曲线图。年末的突然“放开”，让我对“防疫成绩单”的评价只剩一句：数据会说话，只是不能说真话。我由此做了一个长期主义的选择：离开。
6. 出走之后：比较学，最有说服力
美国带来的第一感受是“政治表达可以归于日常”。“普通民众脸上从容和放松的神情”让我开始重新审视那套熟得不能再熟的叙事：
“资本主义水深火热”？——我在超市看到了低价牛奶，在地铁看到了微笑，在街头看到了游行队伍背后的警察维持秩序而不是驱散。
“西方打压中国”？——跨国企业的财报告诉我，数据不会爱国；中国区下滑得肉眼可见。
“我们自主创新已领先？”——一旦芯片被“卡脖子”，一些“民族之光”就会集体喘不上气。
比较出的结论朴素到有点冒犯：法治让聪明人有舞台，专制让聪明人有“后台”。
7. 我与先生：在历史里对表，在现实里校准
先生比我早看明白。他提醒我：专制的底层逻辑，是“欺骗 + 暴力”。欺骗，是把黑说成白、把侵略说成反侵略、把受害者说成“境外势力”；暴力，是把年轻的呐喊变成档案上的污点，把公民的发声变成刑法里的罪名。
我们一起复盘中共的“发家史”：延安贩毒维稳财政、土改与大跃进的人祸、文革的道德灭绝、六四的屠杀、活摘与维稳产业、修宪复辟……这一切不是“偶发”，而是体系的必然。在这样的历史里谈“岁月静好”，像在流水线上谈“手工艺美学”。
8. 为什么必须反共：因为我还想做个人
如果要把我的反共理由压成三句话：
（1）为了事实历史必须可被查证，新闻必须允许反对。没有真相，一切“成绩单”都是作文。
（2）为了专业科学需要自由的试错与坦诚的失败，医疗需要独立的监管与可问责的制度。当权力凌驾于规则，专业就变成手艺；手艺再好，也做不出良心。
（3）为了尊严人不是工具，更不是 KPI 的消耗品。尊严来自表达、结社与选择的自由，来自“可以说不”的权利。当一个社会只允许说“好”，坏事就会变成大事。
9. 结语：把恐惧变判断，把愤怒变行动
离开不是逃跑，发声不是作秀。那是一个成年人对自己的负责。对家人的健康、对职业的操守、对事实的敬畏、对未来的期待。如果你也感觉到风在体面与谎言的裂缝里灌进来，不妨先从最小的行动开始：
学会分辨“新闻”与“通告”；
给不同观点一次耐心；
在每一次“要不要说”的时刻，至少让自己听见自己。
醒悟不嫌晚，改变亦然。
Waking Up in Shanghai: Why I Became Anti-CCP
— A Survival Memoir from a Once “Keep-Your-Head-Down” Woman
Author: Liu FangEditor: Li ConglingChief Editor: Luo ZhifeiTranslator: Lyu Feng
0. Prologue: Between Decency and Lies, There Are Always Cracks Where the Wind Blows In
I once believed the ultimate form of life was “minding my own business”: prestigious degree, white-collar job in Shanghai, weekend lattes, nine-grid Instagram posts—politics, please stay away from me.
Later I discovered: “decency” is a temp job; “lies” are permanent staff. What I thought was clocking in for a calm life was in fact being on standby under the pressure of dictatorship. Until the wind blew through the cracks—layoffs, lockdowns, censorship, black boxes—I finally understood: so-called “peaceful times” only mean it hasn’t reached your turn yet.
So, I began writing a manual for my past self: why I became anti-CCP.
1. Family Origins: Kind Parents, a Harsh Era
I was born into an ordinary working-class family. My parents were diligent and honest, yet the Cultural Revolution stripped them of education—youth consumed by “struggle” and “criticism.”
After reform, they faced another blow: mass layoffs. My father taught himself into becoming an assistant engineer, but carried the chronic ailments left from famine years. Our household often struggled to make ends meet.
We were not taught “class hatred,” only the rule: “whoever is wrong should apologize first.” From childhood, I knew authority could be respected, but must remain open to questioning.
I was a model student—diligent, obedient, Young Pioneers, Communist Youth League. What I didn’t know then: the red scarf and badge weren’t morality or truth, only organizational ties.
My first doubt about “orthodox narratives” came in 1989. My cousin joined the protests and came back punished. The TV called it “trouble stirred up by lawbreakers.” But what I remembered was this: why must young people’s cries cost them their studies and futures?
2. Books and Screens: Independent Seeds Watered by a Foreign Tongue
Middle-school politics class was like a delivery: you signed for it, no thinking required. One right answer only, one version of history only. The rule of “uniform short hair and shoddy school uniforms” made me realize: shaved heads and uniforms are standard in prisons and asylums.
Luckily, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, the world still left me a crack.
Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Gone with the Wind taught me dignity is the baseline of being human, and freedom and love are trustworthy.V for Vendetta, The Matrix, The Shawshank Redemption showed me: in the face of systemic lies, running isn’t cowardice—thinking itself is risk-taking.
A roommate urged me to study English: “The real knowledge is outside the Wall.” I never went abroad, but the language became my passport out of the mental map.
Then one day, Facebook, YouTube, Google vanished with one click. The air filled with an invisible term: the Great Firewall. Learning to “scale the wall” was like finding a flashlight in the dark. Small, but enough to see not just furniture in the room, but chains.
3. The Lab: When “Real Problems” Meet “Real KPIs”
I studied life sciences—from cells to molecules, from observation to mechanisms. Slowly I saw a blunt fact: Chinese science is not short of money, but of a system that spends it on real problems.
Funding reviews depend on networks, paper counts serve as performance scores, professors are busy socializing, students reduced to screws in a machine. Academic ideals got packed into six words: “publish papers, meet metrics.”
Two events smashed my illusions:
The gene-editing ethics disaster: a vice professor treated human embryos like test tubes. Science wasn’t ready, ethics was absent. He served three years, then returned as professor. The system’s responsible bodies all “walked by, without blame.”
The unreproducible breakthrough: a tool hailed as world-shaking was found unreproducible within months. Towers rose fast, collapsed faster; accountability disappeared fastest.
Science requires time, honesty, and the right to fail. The system provided KPIs, rankings, and promo videos. When truth is dragged around by annual reports, the result isn’t breakthroughs but accidents.
4. Workplace Lessons: The Rules of Foreign Firms, the Magic of Domestic Ones
After my PhD I stayed in Shanghai.
In foreign companies, the first lesson: processes aren’t for show, compliance isn’t a slogan. No “996” culture—at least not mandatory. Things still got done without burnout.
But after mergers, “Chinese management” spread like a virus: form-filling universes, power games, bad money driving out good. I pivoted to “domestic industry,” hoping to do something that truly benefited patients. I ended up in two “human-mine factories.”
Company A preached “borderless flexibility,” meaning borderless unpaid overtime. During the pandemic, they threw R&D into the outbreak zones to grab samples. “Donations” were PR, compliance optional, salaries vague. My Apple Watch became my death warrant: heart-rate alarms as work check-ins. The final product died at the approval stage—the game had been scripted long ago, real profits reserved for those already on the whitelist. The boss gambled recklessly, feeding employees’ health and lives into the pit.
Company B looked “international,” but its core was “cash-grab studies.” The goal wasn’t product launch, but company IPO. Colleagues competed by slander, staff self-harmed under KPIs. Copying was called “domestic substitution,” passing the parcel became “capital story.” Less than a year after I left, it collapsed.
Why were both bosses equally short-sighted? Because behind them stood China’s impatient capital and system. They were all being driven: “rush to start, rush to raise, rush to exit.” Otherwise, the shifting policies might wipe them out overnight. In China, a 50-year enterprise is a joke; surviving 5 years as a private company is already a feat.
When I fled back to foreign firms, I realized even “clean land” wasn’t clean. Facing state-sector clients, science had to bow to administration. You say “follow regulations,” they say “the leader wants the report today.” You say “samples are contaminated,” they say “we have no time.” Slowly I saw: it wasn’t me failing to adapt—it was me refusing to collude.
5. Three Years of COVID: Rumors as Masks, Lockdowns as Medicine
COVID was a demon mirror. First, they exported blame—“virus made in USA.” Then they locked up samples, sealed off information. Citizen journalists disappeared, conscientious doctors were reprimanded.
Cities welded shut, patients left untreated, lives expired like captcha codes. I was locked inside my home for 70+ days, surviving on group-buys and luck. Relatives infected, some passed away; the funeral queues became my curve of “state capacity.”
The sudden “reopening” at year’s end left me with one review of the “pandemic report card”: the data can talk—only it cannot tell the truth.
That was when I made a long-term decision: to leave.
6. After Leaving: Comparative Studies Persuade Best
America’s first impression: “political expression belongs in daily life.” The everyday calm on ordinary faces made me re-examine the propaganda I knew by heart:
“Capitalism is misery”?—I saw cheap milk in supermarkets, smiles in subways, protests with police maintaining order rather than dispersing them.
“The West suppresses China”?—Multinational financial reports showed data doesn’t “patriotically” lie; China’s numbers were visibly sliding.
“We already lead in innovation”?—Once chips got “choked,” the so-called “national champions” collectively gasped for air.
The comparison led to a blunt, almost offensive conclusion: the rule of law gives smart people a stage; dictatorship gives smart people a backstage pass.
7. My Husband and I: Aligning with History, Adjusting to Reality
My husband saw through it earlier. He reminded me: the foundation of dictatorship is “deception + violence.”
Deception: calling black white, calling aggression “self-defense,” calling victims “foreign agents.”
Violence: turning youthful cries into stains on permanent records, turning civic voices into crimes under criminal law.
Together we reviewed the CCP’s “rise”: opium-funded Yan’an, the man-made famines of land reform and the Great Leap, the moral extermination of the Cultural Revolution, the Tiananmen massacre, organ harvesting and the security state, the constitutional rollback to lifelong rule.
These are not “accidents,” but systemic inevitabilities. To talk of “peaceful times” under such a history is like praising “handcraft aesthetics” on an assembly line.
8. Why I Must Oppose the CCP: Because I Still Want to Be Human
If I had to compress my reasons into three lines:
For truthHistory must be verifiable, journalism must allow dissent. Without truth, all “report cards” are essays.
For professionalismScience needs free trial and honest failure. Medicine needs independent oversight and accountable regulation. When power overrides rules, professions degrade into crafts; crafts, however skilled, cannot build conscience.
For dignityHumans are not tools, nor KPI consumables. Dignity comes from freedom of speech, association, and choice—from the right to say “no.” When only “yes” is allowed, every wrong becomes disaster.
9. Epilogue: Turning Fear into Judgment, Anger into Action
Leaving is not escape. Speaking out is not performance. They are acts of adult responsibility—to family health, to professional integrity, to respect for facts, to hope for the future.
If you too feel the wind blowing through the cracks between decency and lies, start with the smallest steps:
Learn to distinguish “news” from “bulletins.”
Give patience to opposing views.
At every “to speak or not” moment, at least make sure you hear yourself.
Awakening is never too late. Change, likewise.
